EXPECTATIONS

by - Sophie

TITLE	EXPECTATIONS
AUTHOR	Sophie
DISTRIBUTION	My site: http://www.geocities.com/spikesophiesteph/index.html
DISCLAIMER	I own nothing.
SUMMARY	Buffy has trouble coping with her relationship with Spike
RATING	PG-13
SPOILERS	General Season 6 Buffy and Season 3 Angel
NOTE	In my universe, Xander and Anya are married and on their honeymoon, Tara and Willow are back together. Cordelia still has painful visions.
FEEDBACK	Of course!

Standing in front of the pregnancy tests shelf, Buffy hesitated. What are you doing? She thought. You want to buy a pregnancy test because you think you might be pregnant by a vampire. This is just ridiculous.

It had all started a few days before, when she had got up in the morning feeling sick. It has not been the first time. First she had thought of an indigestion but it was not that. Then Tara had made this comment about morning sickness she was still the only one who knew about Spike- and Buffy had been completely freaked out." Hey, I'm joking " Tara had said." There's no way you could be pregnant. I mean with Spike...It's impossible, right ?"

"Should be...but Angel is a vampire, and he had Connor."

Tara thought about that for a minute. "Yes, but Darla was a vampire."

"And I'm the Slayer."

Tara had found no response to that. Then Buffy had said, shaking her head, "No, it's impossible. It's something else. I'm sure." But she had not felt convinced at all. And here she was now, in her bathroom, holding this test and looking at it like she could get a contagious disease from it. Just do it. Now. You know it will be negative anyway. She came back in her room and the waiting started. She lied down on her bed, her hart beating a little too fast,

Of course she had never use protection with him. It wasn't supposed to be necessary. And they were so lost into each other the last few times that they couldn't have thought anyway. So, a baby? No, no, that could not happen. She had just started to accept that she was kind of involved with him. The idea of being pregnant was way to scary to even consider it. She had a job that sucked, she was in charge of her 15 year old sister and she was only twenty-one. Oh, and the father of that baby ? A neutered vampire named Spike, formerly known as her sworn enemy. Talk about worst timing and biggest mistake ever!

Time was up. She went to the bathroom, took the test and looked.

It was negative.

Of course.

She knew that.

Back in her room, she sat on her bed, expecting a huge wave of relief anytime now. But it never came. Disappointment did. A big feeling of disappointment that took form in her throat as a sob. Then another. Followed by tears suddenly flooding freely on her cheeks. And that feeling of disappointment...that was the scariest thing of all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sun was setting. Buffy was sitting in the kitchen, still holding the test in her hand. Dawn had called saying she would stay over at her friend's house and Buffy had not object, even
though it was a school night. She needed some time alone.

So she was not pregnant. She should be happy about it. But she could not get rid of that awful sadness she was feeling. How could she feel like that, for God's sake ? A baby with Spike ! That was the
last thing on earth that would ever happen !

The back door opened and Spike came in.

"Evening luv."

He saw her, sitting in the dark, with a very non- happy face. A face with "I cried all day" written all over it.

She looked at him but said nothing. Her eyes were full of sadness and dismay.

" Hey. What happened ? Are you all right ? Is it Dawn ?"

" NoDawn's ok."

"Oh...good."

She looked back at her hands. He came behind her, put his arms around her. " What's bothering you, pet ?"

For a few minutes she closed her eyes and relaxed against his chest. She turned her head in his neck, relishing in the scent of him. Then she opened her hand and showed him the test.

"What is...a pregnancy test ?"

She nodded. "It's negative"

"Of course it is. Why...How...I mean, why did you think you were pregnant?"

She shrugged. "I was feeling sick and Tara said,,,And there was the Angel/Connor thing...I just thought, maybe...this is ridiculous, I know."

Spike frowned, not knowing exactly how to react. "Well, if you had asked me..."

"Asked you ? What are you, a gynecologist ?"

Taken aback by her harshness, he let go of her. "Is that why you cried? Because you thought you were pregnant?" He couldn't help but feel hurt that she would consider it so awful. Of course it would not be the most clever thing to do, but still...

She got up, putting some distance between them. "No. I cried whenwhen I realized I was not."

"You...what?" This time, he smiled. "Baby."

He took a step towards her but she raised her hand. "No. You don't understand. This is not a good thing."

His smile vanished. He frowned again. "You're right, I don't understand. You're not pregnant. You're sorry about it. Well, I am too, if you want to know."

She shot him a surprised glance.

"Don't give me that look. I bet you didn't think about it, right?" He sighed. "I thought we were further than that, Buffy. I have feelings too. Why do I have to remind you that?"

She looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry, it's justthe whole thing really freaked me out and..."

"Don't, Buffy. Please...Don't take this as an excuse to push me away again."

"I don't!," she lied. "But it's getting to be too much...too fast. I need some time to sort things out." She was acting like a total coward and wasn't very proud about it. But she couldn't help herself. When he was around, she could not think properly.

"What do you want me to do?" he asked in a miserable tone. "Stay away? Is that what you want?" He came closer, putting his hands on her cheeks. "Are you ready to give up on this?" he kissed her sweetly in the neck. "And this?" he put a caressing hand on her breasts. "And this?" he finally took her lips in a deep kiss. "I love you. But I can't stand you constantly changing your mind anymore. This time, if you ask me to stay away, I will. For good. It'll hurt like hell, but I'll do it."

Buffy acquiesced, tears in her eyes. His kiss had left her speechless. She was so confusedshe opened her mouth, but nothing came out.

"It's up to you, now, love." And he left.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hyperion Hotel, L.A

"Vision!"

Angel got up just in time to catch Cordelia before she fell. He helped her to a chair.

"Pain...killers...please," she moaned as a worried Angel gave them to her. Those visions were becoming more and more unbearable.

"Are you okay? " he asked.

Cordelia slowly massaged her forehead. "I guess...but that was strange."

"What? What did you see? "

"Spike...I saw Spike."

Angel frowned.

"Was he attacking someone? Buffy?"

"No...that's the weird thing. He seemed to be the one in danger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sunnydale

Buffy had started the evening with slaying intentions, but when she had realized that her paths led her always to Spike's crypt, she had given up. I'd better get home and go to bed, she thought.

She took a coffee at the Espresso Pump, headed towards home...and bumped into Spike.

"Sorry, Slayer. I didn't see you."

Somehow she doubted that, but didn't say anything.

"How are you doing?"

"Good", she said in a very firm voice. "Very good. You?"

"Yeah, yeah."

He showed the paper bag he was carrying.

"Got some blood at Willy's before going home."

"Oh...Okay."

He looked at her. She was pale with blue circles under her beautiful eyes. She looked everything but good. Not my problem anymore, he thought. Then why are you still here ? He couldn't help himself. "Are you okay For once you look paler than me."

"No, I'm fine. Just a little tired."

His gaze met hers. Neither of them seemed eager to leave. It was like they wanted to tell a million things but couldn't form a single word.

Buffy was struggling inside, fighting the urge to give in and lean into his arms. Especially when he was staring at her like this, with genuine worry in his blue eyes.

I broke up with him two days ago, not really nicely, and still he's here, all concerned.

She suddenly realized that the still hot coffee she was holding was burning the palm of her hand.

"I...I'd better go, now."

"Okay. Well...Bye."

"Bye," she said in a soft voice.

It took her every effort to put one step in front of the other and go away.

"Buffy?"

She turned around.

"Yes?"

"I miss you."

That almost got the best of her. But he didn't let her the time to react and moved away quickly. Buffy felt tears threatening to overflow and took a deep breath.

"I miss you too, Spike."

God how she hated to see him leave.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She was about to insert the key in the lock when Willow opened the door.

"Buffy. We've got visitors."

"Now? Who?" She came in the living room. The first thing she noticed was the tall figure with a black coat she remembered so well.

"Hey, Buffy."

"Angel ?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I don't get it", Tara said. "If Cordelia usually have visions about helpless people, how come she had one about Spike ? I mean, he's not really the weak type."

"Unless he's attacked by a human" Angel said pointedly.

"Was the other person you saw a human?" Buffy asked.

"It's difficult to say, but I'd guess yes. It seemed so."

"Can you describe it?"

"Tall, dark-blond hair, rather good-looking."

"That describes a million guys out there," Willow sighed.

Buffy cleared her throat.

"What I don't understand is why you had this vision. Spike faces danger all the time, when he's helping us or by himself. Why is this time so special?"

"I'm afraid that means he's going to face a real threatpossibly a deadly one."

"Oh."

Buffy sat, frowning.

"Does those visions give you by any chance the exact time when it supposed to happen?"

"Not precisely. The only thing they give me is a hell of a headache" Cordelia answered, making a face. It had been two days ago and she was still felling a throbbing pain. Angel kneeled in front of her.

"Are you all right ? Do you want something?"

"I'm okay, and stop asking, you're getting annoying."

But the look she was giving him showed she didn't really mind.

Willow followed this exchange with some surprise and looked at Buffy. But her friend seemed lost in her own thoughts. "I'll get some drinks" Willow said. " Buffy, do you want something?"

"What? No. I mean...I'll get it." She turned to Cordelia. "Do you need something for the baby?"

Connor was lying in his crib, playing with one of Cordelia's bracelet. The brunette gave Buffy a baby bottle. "Thirty-five sec in the microwave."

"Okay."

"Thank you."

In the kitchen, Buffy prepared some tea. She was feeling sick with worry. Angel had told her about Cordelia's visions. It was always something serious. And the fact that they didn't really have any clue about the whom, how and when was making it worse.

While waiting for the bottle to warm up, she opened the back door and stepped on the porch. She needed some air.

"Are you okay?"

Angel came behind her. Buffy laughed slightly. "I don't think I look okay. Everyone is asking me that."

"To be honest, you look, well, pale, tired, worried...and sad."

"It's a little bit of all those things", she acquiesced."As weird as it may sound, I do worry about Spike. You wouldn't have come all the way to Sunnydale if it wasn't serious."

"Do you know who could want to kill him?"

She looked at him and he smiled. "Okay, that was a very stupid question. I must be tired too."

"Spike isn't known for his "I-make-friends-everywhere" way of life.

"Yeah, guess he hasn't changed a bit."

"He has, actually. A lot. In aIn a good way."

Something in her voice startled Angel.

"Willow mentioned he had helped you several times."

"I know I can count on him" Buffy said quietly.

Angel watched her closely. She was avoiding his gaze. What was happening

Voices in the kitchen caught their attention. Cordelia, holding Connor, was feeding him while Willow played with his tiny little hand.

"How is it ?" Buffy asked.

"What ?"

"Fatherhood."

A fond smile appeared on his face.

"It's great. All those feelings that rush into you...in a good way. It's terrifying and wonderful at the same time."

Buffy nodded, watching the baby. Was it only two days ago she had been so freaked out about what seemed now something not so freaky after all? Connor was so cute...and despite all the events surrounding his birth he looked happy and at peace. So was Angel...and Cordelia. "Is it really Cordelia standing in my kitchen?"

Angel laughed.

"Scary, huh? I never would have pictured her like the perfect mum but heyshe is. She loves him unconditionally and takes good care of him. But the visionsthey are getting more and more painful. And
there's nothing we can do about it." His smile had vanished and he looked really preoccupiedIn a "I care a lot about that girl" sort of way.

Buffy opened her eyes wide."Are youare the two of you...involved?"

Angel looked embarrassed. "Well, we've gotten closer...We're very good friends," he added lamely.

Buffy smiled.

"It's okay, Angel. It's about time we both move on."

He looked relieved. "Does that mean you're seeing someone too?"

Now was the perfect time to talk about her relationship with Spike. But she didn't. Something stopped her from doing it. She was such a coward, she thought with self-disgust.

"No..no one. But I'm happy for you. I really am."

And she was sincere. She hadn't felt the tiniest bit of jealousy or envy. She was just really glad to see him happy.

He put his arm around her shoulders. "I would be happier if you were telling me what's bothering you so much."

"The problem with Spike is bothering me."

"Of course, but there's something else. When you arrived one hour ago, I could feel something was upsetting you."

She looked at him, smiling. "You know me too well. It's getting late," she said, changing the subject. I guess we should go and warn Spike."

"So you don't wanna talk about it?"

She hesitated. "Not now...maybe later."

"I'll hold you to that."

"I know you will."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Turning into Revello Drive, Spike was talking to himself. Buffy's face when they had met earliershe had never looked so unhappy. And at the risk of sounding pretentious, he was positive it was because of him. Because she regretted that break-up. "I'm gonna put some sense into that bloody pretty head of hers," he said with anticipation. "And she's going to listen, and if she doesn't then I'll kiss her till she beg for more!"

He decided to go through the back of the house. Maybe she would be in the kitchen.

Spike stopped dead in his tracks. She wasn't in the kitchen. She was on the back porch. With Angel. In his arms. Well...almost.

Frozen, Spike didn't move for a moment. Then he turned away.

His heart wasn't beating, but he could have sworn it just got broken into million pieces.

What was she doing with Angel ? Did she know he was coming ? Was that why? Maybe she wasn't unhappy because of me, but because of him! Spike thought with growing anger and despair. He felt like he was having trouble breathing except he wasn't breathing at all. Tears were blurring his vision I've been such a soddin' stupid fool! All this time...she was just waiting for Angel to come back and poof! Bye bye Spike!

He was so mad and desesperate his senses didn't even notice the tall man watching him in the dark.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"We'll go and see Spike" Buffy said, grabbing her coat.

"Will you bring him back here ?" Dawn asked.

She had come back from her friend's house a little earlier and had been told about the vision. She had got really worried, as she was really fond of the vampire and considered him like a big brother.

"You have to bring him back" she insisted. "He will be safe, here. With us."

Buffy hesitated. "I'll see what he decides."

"It would be better for him to come" Willow said. "Considering we don't know anything about what's going to happen to him."

"I'll do my best to convince him, but you know Spike" She was not really comfortable with the notion of Spike staying under her roof for some time, but if his safety depended on it...then she would do everything.

She walked with Angel to his crypt.

"What are you going to say to him ?"

She shrugged. "The truth, I guess. I just hope he's there."

Spike wasn't on his ground floor and the TV was off.

"Maybe he's downstairs. Spike?"

She climbed down the ladder, followed by Angel.

She found him sitting on his bed, drinking a beer. Obviously not the first one. "Spike."

"What do you want?" he replied in a harsh tone. Then he saw Angel and his eyes widened. He got up from the bed. "Well, Slayer, you've got some nerve, bringing him here."

"What ?" Buffy looked from Spike to Angel, the realized what he was implying. "No! Spike, it's not...You're in danger! That's why Angel's here. Cordelia had a vision about you."

"The cheerleader? She has visions now?"

"It's a long story," Angel said, "but we wouldn't have come if it wasn't serious."

Spike shot him an angry glare. "And since when do you care? Last time we saw each other, I was torturing you."

"I can still change my mind and leave," Angel said with a cold look. "Buffy told me you had changed, but I think she must have gone blind."

"Not by love, that's for sure," muttered Spike in a bitter tone.

"Stop being pig-headed! said Buffy, exasperated. Just come with us and we'll explain everything."

With a stubborn face, he sat back on the bed.

"I'm not going anywhere with you and Nancy-boy. And I can defend myself."

"Not this time. Listen, if it was for me I would go back to LA and not give a second thought about you. But Buffy here seems to..." He searched for a word, watching her...., "care enough about you to think you're worth saving. So I suggest you stop being an ass and come with us."

There was a short silence before Buffy said, "Angel...can you leave us alone for a minute?"

Reluctantly, Angel nodded. "I'll wait for you upstairs."

Once alone, Buffy looked Spike in the eyes. "I'm serious about this. You're in real danger. Come back with us, please? Dawn is really worried," she added, thinking that might pursuade him.

His face softened slightly. "At least someone worries."

"Stop whining. I worry too. You know it. Otherwise I wouldn't be here in the middle of the night almost begging you to come with me."

He smirked. " You haven't come to the begging part yet."

She came closer to him. "No, but I'm ready for the "punching-you-in-the-nose-very-hard part."

He sighed. "Okay. I'll go with you."

She didn't show her relief but smiled a little. "Good Boy."

"Don't push it, Slayer."

He got up, took his coat. Buffy was already on the ladder when he said, "I saw you with him."

Confused, Buffy looked at him questioningly.

"Earlier tonight...I came to talk to you and I saw the two of you on your back porch. You were in his arms. I thought...." He looked at his shoes, embarrassed.

"You thought wrong" Buffy said softly. So he was just jealous. And hurt. That she could handle...later. "We'd better go."

He nodded and followed her. A glimpse of relief passed through Angel's eyes when he saw his grand-childe. "So...you decided to behave."

Spike didn't answer and went out without waiting for them.

"What did you say ?" Angel asked.

"I threatened to punch him."

Angel smiled. "Oh...I see."

She glared at him. "Not there! In the nose!"

"Oh...Sorry."

They got back to the Summers' house within a few minutes.

"Spike!" Dawn ran to him.

"Hey, Nibblet. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

"I'll go now," she said with a smile. "I'm glad you're here."

He smiled back, ignoring Angel's surprise. Yeah, he was nice to a teenage girl, so what? Tara and Willow were smiling also, and looked happy to see him. That gave him a warm feeling he wasn't used to. "So, Cordelia...about that vision."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They all sat in the living room and Cordelia told him the story. "So, you're saying someone's going to try to stake me or something, but you don't know who, where or when?"

"Nope, she said. That's frustrating, I know."

\Spike nodded. They all looked at him then at each other. "Do you have a plan ?" he asked.

"Not really" Buffy admitted. "We thought that warning you and bringing you here were the first things to do."

"The problem," Angel said, "Is that there's nothing much we can do now...but wait."

"When I got the visions" Cordelia explained " it usually mean it's going to happen immediately or in the two following days. Considering you're still here and that today's overI would go with tomorrow."

"But by keeping Spike hidden here, we prevent this from happening," Willow said.

"Yeah, what tells me that this guy will not try again in a week, or later ? No, if nothing has happened by tomorrow night, I'll go out and try to find him."

"How ?" Buffy asked, obviously not liking the idea. " You don't even know what he looks like."

"I'll serve as a bait. I'm not gonna let a bloody stupid human reduce me to a trembling nit."

"I agree with you" Angel said. "And we don't have any other solution anyway."

Buffy got up. "That's settled then. Now...we need to find sleeping arrangements."

"Cordelia and Connor can sleep with us," Willow said.

"And Angel and Spike in the basement," proposed Buffy. The two vampires looked at each other with rather non-happy faces but didn't say anything. Buffy got up. "Well, I think it's more than time to go to bed."

Cordelia took Connor and followed Willow and Tara upstairs. Buffy turned to Angel and Spike. "I'll get you some blankets and pillows. The couch in the basement can be made as a bed for two persons."

She brought back all the stuff and gave it to them.

"Well...Good night."

"Good night, Buffy " Angel said with a smile. Spike didn't answer but gave her a strange look she tried to ignore. She checked the back door and turned off the lights in the kitchen. Spike was waiting for her in the hall.

"Hey" she said nervously " Do you...do you have everything you need?"

"Not everything" he said softly, caressing her cheek with his knuckles. She closed her eyes and leaned unconsciously towards him. "I miss you," he said again, for the second time that evening. "I know I said I would stay away, but...It's too bloody difficult to stay away from you."

He was being so sweet that Buffy found it impossible to resist. And to be honest, she didn't want to anymore.

"I miss you too" she admitted, loud and clear this time.

She had expected a victory grin, or a cocky "I knew it" but none of it happened. He just gave her a very loving smile before kissing her. He caressed softly her lips with the tip of his tongue, teasing her. She opened her mouth and he kissed her so passionately she started to tremble. Moaning softly, she put her hands under his shirt and slightly scratched his back. But after a minute she stepped back. "We can't."

He let go of her, feeling like someone had just ripped off his arm. "Sorry, I forgot we had broken up. We're not supposed to do that anymore," He said in a bittersweet tone.

Buffy put a finger on his mouth. "I was going to say we can't do this now. The house is a little bit overcrowded."

His face lit up. "Does it mean...does it mean you're un-breaking up with me?" Now he sounded like a true ninny but didn't really give a damn.

Buffy smiled. " I don't think that's actually a verb. And we'll talk about this tomorrow."

\" And after that I'll make love to you" he said in a low caressing voice, kissing her on the most sensitive spot on her neck.

She shivered but nonetheless pushed him away gently. "Tomorrow" she repeated.

He stole her a last kiss before heading down to the basement.

Putting her hands on her burning cheeks, Buffy sighed. This time, she'd better know what she was doing. If she hurt him again...but she wouldn't. Because now she knew she needed him. She knew she loved him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Spike arrived in the kitchen the following morning, Cordelia was there feeding Connor.

"Hey," she said with a cheerful smile.

"Mornin'. Everybody else still sleeping?"

"Looks like. Hey there, not so fast, honey," she told the baby, pulling the bottle slightly away.

Spike opened the fridge. The first thing he saw were the packs of blood. With his name on a tag on it. He smiled. Okay, that could be either Buffy or Dawn, and the packs were probably there since some
time, but stillthe sun seemed suddenly more brightened. Which was of course very unhealthy for him. But he felt ridiculously happy about it.

"Spike?"

"What?" He put the blood in a mug.

"Could you feed Connor for me for a few minutes ? I really have to go to the bathroom."

"What?!" This time he had a look of horror on his face. "I don't think..."

Cordelia smiled. "Come on, if Angel can do it, you can do it. Just hold the bottle like this...see? Very easy." She turned to leave then stopped. "Buffy trusts you...so I guess I can do the same, right?"
"You can," he said, meeting her eyes evenly.

"Thank you."

She disappeared, leaving him completely disoriented. He managed to keep the bottle right and Connor kept on sucking. After a few seconds, Spike relaxed. The baby was watching him with big eyes. "Hey Connor...nice to meet you." Of course there was no reply. Just more sucking. "I'm Spike...William. I'm one of you're father's...uh...friends. Sort of. You seem to enjoy that," he added, showing the bottle. " Did you try with some blood in it? No, of course not...you're not a vampire."

The baby suddenly smiled and Spike couldn't help but smile back. He looked around him. No one in sight. He leaned closer to the baby and put a finger on his little round cheek. "You are so cute I could just eat you up," he said, patting on the baby's little nose. Then he realized what he'd said. "Oh no, wait! Not that way, of course! Please don't tell anyone I said that."

"Gah!" the baby said, still smiling.

Dawn entered the kitchen and opened her eyes wide. Spike, in black T-shirt and silk black boxers (silk black boxers?!) feeding a baby. "Wow," she said, smiling. "I should take a picture and blackmail
you till the end of the world."

"Very funny. And as the end of the world happens almost every week here, you wouldn't make much money. Besides, I'm not used to feeding babies. I used to feed off them."

"Euwwwww! Thanks for the visual!"

"Hey, I was evil, remember?" He realized he had just said "was". Like in "not anymore". He had hold on to this "proud to be evil" thing for such a long time...like his motto, his "raison d'être". Now he didn't need that anymore. Technically, he was a vampire, so he was still evil somewhere. But that would be for the outside. In this housea part of him was feeling like William again. Not the bad poetthe nice man.

"So" Dawn said, preparing herself a bowl of cereals. "Connor, he is like...your uncle, right?"

Spike stared at her blankly. "Huh?"

"Yes. Connor is Angel's son. And you're Angel's grand-childe. So that makes Connor your uncle."

Spike looked at Dawn, then at the baby. Then at Dawn. "Don't you have to go to school?"

Dawn chuckled. "You sound like Buffy. You're spending too much time with her.

" I wish" he muttered.

The young girl put her bowl in the sink and grabbed her bag. Then, out of nowhere, she hugged him. "Try not to be killed when I'm at school," she said with a smile. But in her eyes he could see genuine concern.

"I promise," he answered, feeling confused and glad at her display of affection.

Cordelia came back. "Still no sign of Angel ? Well...do you mind watching him a little bit more while I get dressed ?"

Spike nodded. "Go ahead. The little guy and me are buddies, now." He put his mug in the microwave and came back to the baby. He took the bottle. There was some milk left. "You're sure you don't want any more?

Buffy chose this moment to enter the kitchen. She smiled at the scene. "This is worth a pic"

"For blackmail, I know " he interrupted her. "Do you remember when I was called the Big Bad?"

"Seems like centuries ago," she said, coming closer to him. She brushed Connor's cheek. "He's so adorable." She looked at Spike. "I can't believe I reacted so stupidly the other day. I'm sorry."

He smiled. "Don't worry. It's okay. And I'm sure you'll have a whole bunch of kids someday." he added, hating the bulge that formed in his throat at that idea.

Buffy saw him looking at Connor with a strange expression on his face. "Do you think about it sometimes?"

"What?"

"Not having children...never. Do you regret it?"

Spike stayed silent for a moment before saying. "Yes, sometimes...when I think of the great mom you would have been for them."

It was Buffy's turn to stay silent. "That's the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me," she finally managed to say with a trembling smile.

His face was grave now. "I mean it. I'm serious about this Buffy. About us. But I need to know if you are too."

She took his hand, entangled their fingers. Staring in his blue eyes, she whispered, "I love you."

He looked so shocked it was almost funny. She was about to prove it with a kiss when Connor started to cry out loud.

"Bloody Hell!" Spike turned to him. "What's wrong now? You're jealous? Don't worry, you'll find a girlfriend too....in eighteen years."

Buffy took the baby in her arms. "Shh. Shh. Don't cry." She put several little kisses on his face and he stopped crying. Spike leaned towards him. "Thanks, mate. Thanks for ruining a perfect moment."

Buffy smiled to him. "We'll have plenty of perfect moments."

Cordelia appeared again, fully dressed.

"Hey, Buffy. Thank you for taking care of him."

She took the baby.

"Come on, honey, lets go wake up that lazybones that's your daddy."

Buffy turned to Spike. "I have to go to work." Her smile vanished. "Be careful. That threat over your head is really scaring me. Mostly because we are so helpless about it."

He nodded. "I'll stay in the basement. And Angel and Cordelia are staying with me. No need to worry for the moment."

She put her hand on his chest. "When this is over, I want us to start again. For real this time. And we'll tell the others."

"Can't wait to see their faces" he smirked.

"I just hope they'll take it as well as Tara."

"Tara knows?"

Buffy acquiesced.

"I see...so that's where the little allusions came from. Go now." he added, seeing she wasn't eager to leave. "Don't be late at work."

"You're more important than that stupid job."

He smiled. "Never thought I would hear you say that. Don't worry, okay? This guy doesn't even know we know. He doesn't know I'm here. He'll probably wait around the cemetery tonight waiting for me to take my stroll."

Half convinced, Buffy nodded. She had that bad feeling. "I'll call them and tell them I'm sick."

"No! Buffy, You're starting to hurt my pride, here. I know this guy is human, but I'm not a little girl ! I can defend myself. Even you couldn't defeat me, remember?"

"Because I didn't really want too. I'm sorry. I'll go now."

He smiled reassuringly and kissed her gently. "Have a nice day, love."

"Probably not. But thanks ever so." She left with a last kiss.

Alone, Spike took his mug from the microwave. But it slipped from his hands and its content was spilled on his T-shirt. Bloody great, he thought, wiping the blood with a towel. Hope it's not a bad sign
or something.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Do you know if Giles left some of his books behind?" Angel asked. They were sitting in the living room, reading newspapers.

"Yeah, I think. They're probably at the Magic Box."

Cordelia looked at Angel. "Why do you want Giles' books?"

"I don't. Wesley does. He asked me to check on some books for him."

"If you want them," Spike said, "better take them before Anya comes back from her honeymoon. Otherwise she will summon one of her vengeance demon friends and cast some horrible spells on some
important parts of you. Valuable parts." he added with a devilish smile.

Cordelia looked at him. "You're kidding, right?"

"Actually, no. You don't know Anya, do you?"

"I don't think I want to, now," Angel said.

"We were sort of friends a few years ago, just before graduation," Cordelia remembered. "But then I left for LA and never saw her again. I can't believe Xander and her are married now. They must
form a very interesting couple. Anyway, I don't want her to put a bizarro spell on you, or your...parts" she said to Angel. "So you'd better go now."

"Right, chief."

She gave him an annoyed look and he smiled innocently. With an exasperated sigh, she left the room.

"So" Spike said with a grin. "You and the cheerleader?"

Angel raised an eyebrow. "So...you and the Slayer?"

Spike's smile vanished. "Who told you? How do you know?"

"I didn't...until now. But I'm not blind."

Spike stared at him, trying to figure out what Angel was thinking. "We'll I don't think that's any of your soddin' business. She doesn't love you anymore. She loves me," he added with a sort of
childish pride that almost made Angel smile. Almost.

"I still care for her a lot," he told his childe." I don't want you to hurt her. If you do...."

"You'll kill me, I know, change the tune, mate, it's getting old. And did it ever occur to you that she would not necessary be the one hurt in that story?"

To be honest, that didn't really surprise Angel. He had witnessed Buffy's harshness at times. It was impossible to love her without suffering. But she was worth it. "I know her, Spike, and I know you. This may surprise you, but I see exactly what you mean."

"Yeah...she's turning me into a bleedin' ponce."

"And you love it."

"Every minute."

They stayed silent for a moment. Then Spike said, "That doesn't bugger you more than that? Buffy and me?"

Angel shrugged. "I trust Buffy's judgment. That doesn't mean I'm going to perform the Dance of Joy."

"The what?"

"Never mind. Old story." He watched Spike closely. "You wish it would bugger me, do you?"

Spike gave him a mischievous smile. "Yep 't would have been more fun, for sure."

Angel rolled his eyes. "Do you know if they have the key to the Magic Box?"

"In the kitchen." He gave it to Angel.

"I'll go check that list Wesley gave me. I hope I brought it with me."

In the kitchen, Spike saw his half-empty mug from this morning. He was going to finish it when someone knocked on the back door. Without thinking, he opened it. Ooops, maybe not a good idea, he thought too late. Fortunately, it was just Riley standing on the other side. Wait a minute, Riley?

Spike frowned. "What are you doing here?"

"Hello Spike. I could ask you the same thing."

"Buffy's not here, so I suggest you leave. Oh, and I suggest you don't come back either. For your own good."

Riley smiled. A charming, deadly, cold smile. "I'm not here for Buffy. I'm here for you."

Spike made a face. "Yuck. No thanks, mate. You're really not my type."

He prepared to close the door but Riley blocked it with such violence that even Spike was surprised. He looked at the commando. That's when it hit him. Human, tall, dark-blond, good-lookingthe man from Cordelia's vision was Riley. He felt a little sting in his neck, then everything went black.